It has been awhile.  My life continues to change…I just got married and bought a house!   Things are good.  I just got the all clear to return to work, and hopefully will be back after March break.  I’ve missed it more than anything.  Nothing has made me realize more how much I love my work then being off for this long.  I truly can’t wait to go back.  So lucky to love what I do!

(more…)

I had an appointment with Dr.S a few weeks back and got the results back from my mammogram…all clear!  YES!  It the only clear mammogram I’ve ever had and I can not be happier about it!  As G would say, I worried and stressed over nothing.  It is so hard to let go and let things be, especially when the control is taken away.

(more…)

I’m so happy!  Finally good news, and it was from the best place.  My body!  I got my period today (I know yucky, and totally too much information but this is my blog so nana nana poo poo!)   You don’t understand how relieved this makes me, as I am not in menopause anymore…just have the symptoms from the Tamoxifen.  And the symptoms are being dealt with pills, and so are much much better.  Things are looking up,  my body is returning to it’s pre Chemo days.  Phew!   Also, I’ve lost the extra 10 lbs from the steroids so I’m back to my pre Chemo weight!  I’m ecstatic and can’t wait to celebrate!  Booyah!

(more…)

I’ve been wanting to write about this for a while, but have been quite afraid of what others will think of me.  Now, I kind of made a pack to myself that I will say what’s on my mind, and if people don’t want to read it, then so be it.  I’ve lost my faith, any and every belief in the ever after, the spirit world, and all things ‘eternal’.  I don’t want people to think that this is a ‘phase’ I’m going through or that I’ve just lost hope because I have done a lot of soul searching and researching because of the hope I have and I really truly wish that I could still believe.

(more…)

Argh.  Some things get me so angry.  The amount of people complaining about their life, their children, their spouse astounds me.  “Oh, I really want God to help me through this” or “Why did God do this to me!”  People, if you wait on God to do things for you, you may be waiting a VERY long time.  YOU need to help yourself, you need to wake up, look around, and realize that life is what you make of it.  If you think that it is shitty all the time,  YOU made it that way.  And guess what???  Only YOU have the ability to change it, not your children, not your friends, and certainty not God.  I’m sick of people not taking responsibility over themselves.  They like to blame things on others or God.  Good and bad.  If you got a promotion, it is YOUR doing…your hard work..  If something bad happens, that’s just the way the cookie crumbles, it’s LIVING people.  I’ve even heard of people thinking/saying that God or even Satan gives people diseases, cancer or other sickness.  How screwed up is that?

(more…)

I was watching the Daily Planet, and was shocked by what I saw. This was the one of the most interesting segments I have seen on this show, once you get by the dry stuff (G says there is no dry material)  there is a whole bunch of interesting shit!  Well. I found it here…my next undomesticated pet.  G has always begged for weird pets.  When I first met him, he was in the process of adopting a groundhog.  Yes, a groundhog.  He told me that he was going to bring it home and help nurse it back to health. Well that never happened but when we were in Mexico we came across some Coatimundis and now that is all he talks about.  Apparently they are legal to buy as pets in Ontario.  Who knew?

(more…)

The saying “you can choose your friends but you can’t choose your family”  is true, but the older I get the more appreciative I am that I have the family that I do.   They have truly been here for me in good times and bad, and I KNOW I can count on them to help me, guide me, and protect me.  I am so fortunate.  I know I didn’t choose my family, but I don’t think I would want it any other way.  I’m lucky, the families that surround me,  G’s family and my best friend M’s family are amazing.  It really feels like I have so many more brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, cousins and even parents.  I am happy to grow old surrounded by loving, caring, and just over round great people.

(more…)

I had a good cry today.  I think that it’s important for everybody, both male and female, to have a good, old fashioned wailing session.  I had an appointment with my Oncologist, well actually not my original one since she was away but another one that I’ve seen a few times in the past.  While she was doing a breast exam, she commented on my scar tissue, or should I say the lump within it.  She asked if it always felt like that, and I responded that I think so.  She asked when my last mammogram was and I told her June when I had surgery.  She said that everything is likely alright but I should have one just to be certain.  I know I have nothing to worry about (most likely) the tissue does feel bumpy and hard but it has felt like this before and radiation has make it worse.  I know I shouldn’t be scared…but I am.   I am prone to worry, which totally sucks and is something I need to work on.  This is just another reminder to me how important life is.  My sister said to not get to ahead of myself, to take one day at a time.  G also reminded me to stay focused on living and remember that I am under the microscope.  The doctors have to do this.  I understand, I just wish I didn’t have to think about cancer so much.

(more…)

So I was talking with my best friend M the other day about confidence and acceptance.  I’ve always struggled with body image and  low self-esteem, and have had trouble accepting me for me.  I’ve always worried about how other people see me.  M and I discussed how many people, especially women, no matter how beautiful they are struggle with this.  It is absolutely crazy, it really is to worry about not being thin enough or pretty enough.  I understand this, I really do but I also see society bullying people into thinking that this is the most important part of life.  It likes the Cinderella Syndrome, if you are pretty and dress nice everything will turn out happily ever after.  That is such bull-crap.

(more…)

A month, a whole freaking month went by and I’ve done a whole lot of nothing.  Well, actually I have been trying to plan a wedding., and I’m pretty close to becoming Bridezilla.  I found my dream wedding dress, and when they say that you will know when it’s the one, they were right.  I must have tried on over 3o dresses, and all were really pretty and I did like them, but when I tried this one on I cried.  I love it.  I want to wear it everyday! Also, did you know that you can buy a Wedding Dress off Ebay for $100?  Nice ones too! Crazy, eh!?

(more…)

I’m a control freak.  I admit it.  And the first step to overcoming it, is recognizing it.  I am not Obsessive Compulsive, well not in it’s true diagnoses.  I think everybody has a little OCD, or others more, inside of them and that is what makes their personality.  My ‘control’ issues is regarding people.  And no, I am not locking people up, making them wear tutu’s and making them dance and serve me wonderful meals (although that would be phenomenal)  Mine is more regarding my think processors.  I have to relinquish control, and recognize that not everybody thinks like me.

(more…)

“We can prevent breast cancer recurrence.  It is a substantial statement to be able to decrease a recurrence rate by 50%” Dr. George Peoples.

(more…)

Where is the time going?  I can’t get over that it is November already! G and I have been so busy lately, well G mostly.  We are in the midst of renovating the kitchen and the garage.  The roof needed to be replaced on the garage, and of course when he took some apart he realized that the walls needed to be done too.  A huge undertaking but G is amazing and  is doing it all himself, well, with help from friends.

(more…)

G has another ‘lady’ in his life.  We started off good, but then when she realized I was staying she turned bitchy.  She use to sleep in the other spare room but when I moved in she wanted our bed.  Well, to sleep on my side to be exact.  She follows him everywhere, even goes to work with him!  Now she has taken over my island (my part of the couch) and won’t give it back.  And she snaps and snarls.  She is Cracker of course, G’s dog, and she is getting mean in her old age. (more…)

This has been both the most amazingly wonderful year of my entire life as well as the toughest.  So much has happened, I finally met the man of my dreams, got breast cancer,  doing fertility treatments and now…. getting married!  I’ve dreampt about this moment my entire life, and I know without a doubt in my mind that G is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.  Happily, he feels the same way (phew 😉 )!  I’ve always felt that it has been too easy with him, and well, too good to be true.  I actually, at times, thought that he could read my mind (still kind of do as he is so darn in tune to my feelings).  I never really believed it could be like this, I didn’t really believe it when people told me that they were totally in love with no doubts, until I met G.  I’m so happy that I let myself go with it, trust him (and us!)  and really…just love him.  He was worth the wait!

(more…)

I was listening to a song on YouTube and someone posted this:

(more…)

I am trying not to let the fire die down on me but some days it’s hard, like today for instance.  I have a whole bunch of emotions running through me, mostly sadness and fear.

(more…)