I had an appointment with Dr.S a few weeks back and got the results back from my mammogram…all clear! YES! It the only clear mammogram I’ve ever had and I can not be happier about it! As G would say, I worried and stressed over nothing. It is so hard to let go and let things be, especially when the control is taken away.
I’ve been thinking a lot about living. Ha, it’s weird to write that. You know the saying, “everything happens for a reason” well I’ve been thinking of this non stop. And I’ve grown to hate it. No not everything happens for a reason, things just happen and most of the time there is no reason behind it. I believe we make the reason, as a sort of excuse to justify things. Bad things happen to people, great things happen, and a whole lot of nothing happens but it is how we handle situations and live through things that is important. I’ve had my ups and down through all this and have not always been positive but I can’t say I haven’t lived through it.
I’m obsessed about living now. About being as happy as I can be and living the life that I want to. I’ve heard about people, the happiest of people, and they are happy because they surrounded themselves with good people and worked hard to be happy. It makes me kind of sad to think that we have to work to be happy but I believe it. Sometimes it’s easy to be miserable.
So I’m ‘working’ to be happy. Actually lately it hasn’t been work at all. I have nothing to complain about. I’m healthy. YES again! And happy. We live in such a beautiful world, most people are loving and overall amazing, There shouldn’t be sadness when you are living and I believe appreciation is the key. I need to appreciate things more. But at least now I’m trying! 🙂
Love this post Junebug! You’ve come through this latest journey with flying colours and a new appreciation and view of your life, that is priceless. To be fair, however, you were not exactly fretting and worrying over “nothing” as you mentioned. You were stressing and fearing that your cancer had returned after a full year of battling and treating it. This was an emotionally and physically demanding experience and I feel that most individuals in your position would all be plagued with worry about having another mammogram. Don’t be so hard on yourself with regard to your worries and fears as they are natural and based on experience in your case. Fret and worry are normal responses to all of this, so it is not fair for people to make you feel as though you are “worrying over nothing”. Embrace those feelings and deal with them as they come. I am so proud to be your best friend and love you oodles, but you never have to apologize for your feelings with me. oxoxo
I COMPLETELY have to echo the words of ‘Princess Michee’, I couldn’t imagine NOT worrying about the possibility of cancer coming back.
A few years ago I was in a car accident on the Queensway, it wasn’t a huge one and I was very lucky, but for months afterward, if the car in front of me put on their brakes suddenly, or the car beside me tried to change lanes without seeing me, my whole body would seize up and my heart felt like it stopped. It was all the residue of that accident. I think people also get emotional residue after going through something like you did. Definitely no need to apologize.
I also have to say that the expression ‘everything happens for a reason’ has bugged me many, many times. I was abused as a child, did that happen for a reason? People die in car accidents, does that happen for a reason? I think in general, we all seek answers to what the universe hands to us and sometimes ‘everything happens for a reason’ works very nicely, for the small things.
Has having cancer made you more devoted to your life? Maybe, but other things could have lead you to that. Has having cancer made you appreciate friends and family more? Maybe, but I think you’re a pretty loving person anyway and certainly didn’t need that kick in the pants to feel the love around you.
I think we’re all just a little at a loss and a lot scared by how little control we have over things in our life. In the meantime, appreciate the wonderfulness that is around you, but don’t get down on yourself when the sadness or anger creeps up. Allow yourself that because it is part of the healing I would think.
Ooops, forgot to sign my name above!!
Your friends have said it all and so well. You are a sweet and loving person and have the rest of your life to look forward to all the wonderful experiences in store for you and G, but some days shit happens, but that’s life. Now go and live it to the fullest, knowing what a trooper you are, and can handle anything. Love you, Mary