2 more days.  I’m getting nervous and scared.  I’m worried about the port-a-cath.  I’m getting it inserted on Thursday morning, at 7:00 and Chemo is scheduled for 12:30pm.  I hate that I have these two scary things on the same day, only a few hours apart!  I’m worried about getting sick and my port-a-cath hurting and possibly opening/bleeding.  I also think that it is super gross.  It really, truly is.  They are putting it in through my jugular… yucky.  I’ve been reading up on it too much it seems and the more I do the more scared I am.  I suppose I may be TOO prepared.

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Can I be 13 again?  I need to only worry about grades and friendship, how things that use to be so huge in my life seem so stupid and mundane!  I’m feeling so overwhelmed.  Found out that my eggs are bad today, something about vacuoles .  The doctor said it was most likely because of the cancer tests (all that radiation and such) and my stress level.  It is so weird to feel completely healthy and normal but have doctors tell you that you are not.  He said, “just worry about getting healthy again”.  I felt like screaming, but I AM!  Of course I am not, Chemo is just a week away.  It’s hard to wait for the dreaded poison to be inserted into me.  To prepare for when I’m actually sick.   I do plan ahead, tell people “oh sorry, I can’t go to your birthday or go out, I’m going to go through Chemo that week and I don’t know how I’ll feel”.

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For the past few days (this will be day 6 actually) I have been taking hormone injections and pills for IVF.  The injections have been going alright, a few minor mess ups such as dropping my $250 Puragon serum ( thank god it didn’t break),  forgetting to squeeze my stomach fat before and during the injection (big ouch!), and injecting the cat (just kidding). Tomorrow morning, I’ll be starting on a new injection (yay!) that will help release more eggs.  I had an ultrasound appointment today to make sure things are progressing.  The technician said that they will most likely not see any follicles, but alas they found 3!  She said this is a great start 🙂

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A lot of things are brewing in the horizon but for now there are clear skies.

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I am so itchy, I just want to scratch my stitches off but I can’t even get near them with these stupid bandages. Argh.  I found out two things, these past few days since my surgery.  I don’t do well with drugs and that G makes an amazing nurse.  He helped wash my hair and then changed my horribly disgusting bandages.  He watched over me when I was SO sick over the Oxycontin’s and he has fed me and comforted me.  Wow, he is so amazing!

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Yesterday was one of the longest and hardest days of my life.  G and I arrived at the hospital at 7am and l was released at 7pm.  12 hours, but I only remember 9 hours of it.

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