These past couple days have been a whirlwind of emotions, both good and bad.  I had a pre-op at the hospital yesterday which lasted around 3 hours.  We talked with a nurse about what my surgery will be like (a very long day is seems) and I found out that I will have green urine for at least 7 – 10 days.  Oh the things to look forward to.  I also found out that post-surgery I will no longer be able to have blood drawn, give blood, or have my blood pressure taken from my right arm again.  That seriously sucks for me, and I almost cried because it hurts so bad out of my left arm.  The nurse said it was because of my previous break (in the elbow) and that there is nothing that they can do.  Oh well, c’est la vie.

Find the answers within.

When I arrived home I had a message from the surgeon waiting for me on the machine.  He told me that my bone scan, ultrasounds, and chest x-ray came back fine.  No other cancer!  I was so ecstatic! He also said that my hormone levels were positive, which he said was good news.  YAY again.  The HER2 test was not back, but he said he would call as soon as the results came back.

I woke up feeling good this morning, and excited to go into work to see my students and especially my coworkers.  They are seriously like a family, and I am so lucky to be a part of it.  My feeling turned when my surgeon called back.  He was very nonchalant on the phone, and blasé  He told me that he got the HER2 results back and my levels were high, which is unusual.  He also told me that my heart scan came back abnormal but was not very concerned about it.  He said that can happen, and the test can be altered by various reasons.  I wanted to know if I can start fertility treatment but he told me I had to wait to speak to the oncologists who should be calling soon.  I had no clue what HER2 receptor was (but have recently researched it) and am very concerned about my heart but I guess if the surgeon isn’t concerned I should breathe a little easier :s

The cancer center called soon after to book an appointment consult on July 12 with the oncologists for chemo and July 15 for radiation.  I wanted it sooner so I can start the fertility process but that was the earliest I can be seen.  I hate having no power over this.  While I was at work, the hospital called and switched my surgery to July 7 instead of the 19.  Crazy! That is next week!  I’ll be happy to have the tumor out but scared not knowing what my treatment will be and unsure if I can start with the fertility.  I’m hoping that this will get easier.

My  friend E (and coworker extraordinaire!) reminds me to BREATHE.  Inhale, exhale and repeat.  I must not forget.  I also must try to dance my worries out. To quote E “Don’t let life take your breath away”